Listening To Your Beating Heart
by Eternal Phoenix07
Summary: Aradia was thrown into deep depression three years ago when Damara was raped and murdered. Her happiness and any meaning in her life was buried with her sister; trapped underground- cold and dead. She was always able to hear the dead, but after Damaras death it grows and begins to drive her to the edge. Then she meets Sollux Captor. Can he pull her back before she falls? Humanstuck
1. Chapter 1

*This is a HumanAU, and yes it is arasol Enjoy the story, and I would like positive reviews- duhh who wouldn't?- or some _constructive_ negative reviews. No flames please X3*

Listening To Your Beating Heart

Prologue

October 7, 2013

Aradia looked to her left and stared at Damara who smiled back tauntingly.  
"Go away.." Aradia whispered looking away and burying her face in her hands. "You don't really exist; that's what the psychiatrist told me." She heard Damara chuckle low in the back of her throat, and she groaned.

"Fuck your psychiatrist. She doesn't know shit from chocolate. I'm as real as the sun on your back." Damara's face softened, her pure milky white eyes looking attentive. "I'm real Aradia." Her voice was smooth, and low, but it sounded hollow. "I'm just dead."

"I know." Aradia said slowly, nodding her head, her shoulders feeling heavy. "That's why you can't be real." Damara died three years ago when Aradia was fourteen. She had quietly come into Aradia's room, and sat on her bed, gently shaking her awake.  
"Aradia," She had whispered. Aradia slowly opened her eyes, and still half asleep, she sat up and looked at her older sister. She looked beautiful as always. Her long ebony hair, twisted into a tight bun, was held up with curved red chopsticks, her thin lips just as red. Her cocoa-colored eyes were rimmed with black eyeliner, and her eyelashes were long and curled. Her delicate chin came to a point, like a cat, and her high cheekbones had the right amount of rosy blush applied to them.

Aradia remembered that night like it happened yesterday. She remembered how Damara's favorite perfume- Gucci Guilty Black - had smelled, and how the tip of the cigarette caught between her blood-colored lips burned a bright orange in the dark, the smoke curling, wispy and billowing, around her.

"You're not allowed to smoke in the house Damara." Aradia mumbled, her voice groggy from sleep. Damara scowled, and rolled her eyes.

"Shut up would you," She said, her features hard. "I'm gonna go out." She said quietly, and Aradia looked at the clock on her bedside table. The blinking green numbers read 2:15, and Aradia furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Damara, it's two o'clock in the morning!" She hissed, and Damara put a hand over her mouth to quiet her down. After a moment, she removed her hand and sighed.  
"I know that, shit for brains. I'm not stupid."

"You are if you think that it's okay to go out right now." Damara groaned and rolled her eyes again, taking a hit from the cigarette, and blowing the smoke in Aradia's face. Aradia fanned the air in front of her, coughing, and scowled at Damara.

"Where are you going anyway?" She asked, and Damara smirked.

"Just promise me you won't tell mom, okay?" Aradia sighed, and Damara cocked an eyebrow at her.  
"Okay fine, I won't tell mom." She agreed.

"I'm gonna go hang with Slick, and some of his friends." Aradia gaped at her sister, and then pushed the blankets off of her, crawled over to her sister and grabbed her wrists.  
"Are you crazy?" She whispered, and Damara looked as if she might be considering the question. "Damara, those guys are dangerous! They're in the mafia; they've killed a lot of people!"  
"Quiet down, not so loud you idiot!"

"You're the idiot Damara! You better not go out!"

"What're you gonna do, tell mom? I'll tie you to this bed and duck tape a pillow over her head, and you won't be able to do shit until the morning when she comes in here to wake you up." She said dragging another long hit from the cigarette, the cherry burning bright. Aradia glared at her, knowing that she wasn't kidding.  
"Damara, they're dangerous." She said again, hoping to talk some sense into her idiot sister. Damara just shrugged, and exhaled.

"I know, that's why it's so exciting. It's a rush." Aradia felt anger bubble in her chest.

"They aren't the rush, the drugs are!" Damara's eyes widened for a split second, before narrowing into an icy glare. She stood up and turned on her heel, and Aradia scrambled off the bed after her. Damara reached for the doorknob, but Aradia grabbed her arm. "Damara I'm sorry, just please don't go. I don't have a good feeling about this." Damara pulled her arm out of Aradia's grasp, and glared down at her.

"Don't tell mom where I am." She said before opening the door and leaving Aradia staring after her. That was the last time she saw or spoke to her sister.

She felt a cold hand on her shoulder, and she was snapped out of her reverie. She pulled her hands away from her face, and noticed that they were wet with tears. When had she started crying?

"I'm sorry Aradia," Damara said, her voice clear as day to Aradia. "I should've listened to you."

"Go away," Aradia whispered, looking away from her. This wasn't her sister. Her sister was dead. This was just a hallucination, and she didn't want to see it right now, or ever again. "Just leave me alone."

*Okay guys, so I liked the way this turned out and I hope that you did too :T If you did like it shoot me a message of your opinion, and I'll start working on chapter 1. Also just to let you wonderful campers know, doctors and psychiatrists have diagnosed Aradia with bipolar depression, and schizophrenia. Please review!*


	2. Chapter 2

Listening To Your Beating Heart

***Sorry I haven't posted in a while, school's been holding me up a bit 0_0 Anyways here's the next chapter, I hope you guys like it 0u0***

Chapter 1

October 8, 2013

Aradia slowly opened her eyes, and rolled over onto her back, staring at the white ceiling. She didn't remember what time she went to sleep; she didn't remember changing out of her clothes -from the day prior- and into her pajamas. Her white and red striped comforter was warm, and she pulled it tighter around her bare shoulders. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, turning on her side.

She stared at the clock. 2:15. She sighed again and sat up, no longer tired. She looked around her small room, running her fingers through her ebony hair; combing out some of the tangles. Her twin sized captain bed was against the farthest wall away from the door- underneath the open window- the white curtains swaying in the meager breeze. Behind the head of the bed was a desk, where her computer sat- the monitor buzzed quietly under the desk, and a printer sitting next to keyboard blinked on and off. Above the desk was a bookshelf- filled with books she used to love to read, and notebooks full of songs she had written years ago.

She pushed the comforter off of her, and swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing up. She made her way over to her dresser- which was side by side with the desk- and looked out the window. She had always lived in this house, on this street, in this quiet suburban neighborhood, in this part of Flat Rock, North Carolina. She looked out at her yard, the sky still dark, but the lawn still clearly visible. Her mother was a bit of a perfectionist, and she had hired a landscaper to make the yard look completely perfect- from the flowerbed to the small fountain, the trimmed shrubs, and the freshly mowed grass. The large oak in front of her window was always her favorite part of having this room in particular. She remembered times when she wanted to be alone, or when she had an idea for a song, she'd open her window and carefully climb onto the large branch- staying there for hours. She remembered when her and Damara would sit together, and just watch the sky- Damara smoking what she called "her medicine". Aradia would laugh and ask her why she didn't just call it weed, or marijuana. Her sister would chuckle quietly and shrug, before offering her a toke of the joint-which she would decline.

She sighed, and closed her eyes, willing away the memories that began to flood her mind. She turned away from the window, and leaned against the dresser. When she opened her eyes, she looked at her empty walls, remembering when they were once adorned with posters of her favorite bands, and pictures of her and her friends. She didn't hang out with them anymore, and she scarcely ever listened to music she once enjoyed so much.

She didn't want to think about the past anymore, she didn't want her heart to ache, or her throat to close up. She wanted the tears to go away, so she opened the top drawer of her desk, and pulled out the small orange bottle. The therapist suggested anti-depressants, and about a week later the doctor had prescribed desyrel trazodone. She began taking them two years after Damara's death, and shortly after she began taking them she became more distant. They didn't help with her depression, but they helped her sleep. And right now, that's all she wanted to do. She popped the white cap open, and poured two small tablets into her palm. She quickly swallowed them, and made her way over to her bed. She didn't care, she shouldn't care, anymore. It was in the past, and she just had to forget. She pulled her comforter over her head, and closed her eyes, letting the pills do their job.

When Aradia wakes up her mom is coming into her room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind her. She makes her way over to her bed- her onyx hair in a messy bun, some stray curls sticking out- and tightens her green silk robe around her slim figure; she sits right beside Aradia. She reaches down, and lightly brushes Aradia's cheek. She smiles at her, and Aradia knows that she should smile back, that she should sit up and hug her mother, kiss her on the cheek, tell her good morning- how she used to- but she just didn't have the energy for it. She never seemed to have the energy for anything anymore.

"It's time to get up now. You have to get ready for school; you don't want to be late." Aradia continues to stare at her mother with a blank- seemingly cold- stare, and she sighs. "Get up Aradia, and don't forget to take your pills." With that she leans down and kisses her cheek, before standing up and leaving the room. She only paused once at the door, turning to look back at her daughter, a wistful look in her deep green eyes.

Once the door is closed Aradia sits up, and rubs at her eyes. When she pulls her hands away, Damara is sitting at the foot of the bed, her back against the wall. Aradia immediately looked away. She didn't want to see the destroyed tube top- her sisters' breasts almost completely revealed- or the ripped skirt. She didn't want to see the blood that she knew stained Damara's thigh high stockings and inner thigh. She didn't want to see her coal-black hair hanging in her face, torn out of the bun it had been in the night she was murdered.

"Hey there oshirinoana." She said, her voice hollow- dead. She smirked, her cigarette caught loosely between her bruised and split lips. Her pale white eyes stared back at Aradia with distaste.

"Please go away…Damara." She said, Damara's name catching in her throat. Damara chuckled, before taking a long drag of her cigarette. When she exhaled, Aradia expected to smell the stale, musty scent of the smoke. She expected her eyes to slightly sting, and her throat feel scratchy. But like always, with no surprise, she didn't.

"Don't be such a bitch to me; I'm you're Onee-sama. Treat me with some respect." Aradia rolled her eyes, and shoved her blankets off of herself, her room frigid from the autumn air that came in from the open window, She didn't mind though. Goosebumps raise on her fair skin, along her arms and legs, and up her spine when Damara put both hands on her back, the chill seeping through the thin fabric of her camisole. She heard Damara chuckle, as she wrapped her icy arms around Aradia's shoulder.

"You should let Onee-sama choose your outfit today."

"No. Go away."

"Come on, I won't pick anything too lewd."

"Just leave me alone." She said, her voice beginning to shake. Her heart had began to pound away frantically in her chest, and the cold was seeping into her bones.

"I can't leave. I have unfinished business to attend to." Damara whispered in her ear, her hollow voice sounding like two stones being ground together. She felt tears prick in her eyes, and she squeezed her eyes shut.  
"Get off!" Damara immediately detaches from Aradia, and appears in front of her.

"No need to be a bitch about-"

"Just shut up! Shut up and leave me alone! Just leave me ALONE!" Tears roll down Aradia's cheeks, and she can't breathe. She feels nauseous, like she's about to get sick. Her whole body is trembling, and she has to remind herself to calm down; that she's having a panic attack and she just has to breathe.

"Aradia!" The door flies open, and Aradia gasps, opening her eyes. Her mother rushes to her, as she slowly sinks to the ground, burying her face in her hands, her onyx curls falling in her face. Her mother wraps her arms around her, and slowly rocks back and forth. "Was she here again?" Her mother whispers, placing her lips on the top of Aradia's head. She rubs small circles in Aradia's lower back, and holds her daughter close to her chest.

"I have to get ready for school…" Aradia whispers, pushing herself away from her mom.

"Aradia, talk to me," She says in a comforting tone. "You can tell me what's going on. I can make an appointment for your psychiatrist and we can go in together." Aradia stood up, and turned her back to her mom pulling open her dresser. She grabbed what she needed and made her way to her bedroom door, walking past her mother.

She didn't want to see the psychiatrist. She didn't want to go see a doctor, or take another pill ever again. She didn't want to see her dead sister standing immobile in the corner of the room watching her leave. But she had to. This was her life. She hated it. But, at the same time, she didn't mind.

***Ughhh, sorry that took so long guys :P I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!***


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